More Funny Status Messages This Friday

1. Fire alarms should use the last of their battery to continue to monitor fire instead of getting all beepy!
2. Sociologists say that social media is creating the laziest generation. I expressed my opinion in great detail by hitting the "Like" button.
3. If my memory gets any worse I'll be able to plan my own surprise party.
4. The funny thing is that the vast majority of my Facebook friends have no idea that I am slowly brainwashing them.
5. Why do people say ''I saw it with my own eyes." Do they sometimes use other peoples eyes?
6. if you don't have anything nice to say, come sit by me, and we can make fun of people together.
7. We can't date if you're gonna be all weird about my wife.
8. Every once in a while you come across a child that makes you never want kids. I am the parent of that child.
9. When I was kid, I was terrified of ear wigs because I thought they came out of your ears. Just imagine how scared I was when I heard about cockroaches!
10. When I say the other day, it can mean any time from yesterday to 364 days ago.
11. Is everything expensive or am I just that poor?
12. I hate being tired in school and thinking "I`m going to take a nap as soon as I get home" and then when I get home I`m not tired anymore.
13. Nobody wants to hear this, but sometimes�the person you want most is the person you`re best without.
14. After I drink coffee I show my empty mug to the IT guy and tell him I've successfully installed Java. He hates me.

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20 MONDAY FUNNY, RIDICULOUS, WITTY, HILARIOUS STATUS UPDATES

• Monday morning coffee is just as important as friday night liquor....almost.
• I can see smoke on the horizon. God I hope it's rest of Monday burning to the ground
• Thank God It's Monday" ~ Your Liver
• Monday is like a kid having s*x for the first time...it came too soon!
• Finally, that rare and elusive Monday we like.
• On Sunday nights, if you listen closely,,, you can hear Monday taunting you with the "Jaws" theme.
• Just once, I would like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear... "Monday has been canceled, go back to sleep."
• Things I don't like: 1) Probably you. 2) Cold coffee. 3) Small talk. 4) Mondays. 5) Having small talk with you on a Monday while my coffee is getting cold.
• I can already hear Monday morning whispering Go F***Yourself in my ear.
• You know when the police arrive at your job at 9am on a Monday... Its going to be an interesting day.
• Monday isn't so bad if you: skip work, get hammered, join a gang, get a piercing, bang a hooker and buy a giraffe. It�s Tuesday that sucks.
• Monday?! But, I wasn't even finished with Saturday yet....
• If we all band together and don't show up for work tomorrow, we could put an end to this 'wake up on Monday' nonsense once and for all. Spread the word.
• There's no more difficult transition than Sunday to Monday...
• Dear Radio Stations, please do not play Katy Perry's "Friday Night" Monday morning at 8 AM during my drive to work.
• I can always tell how good my weekend was by how many pictures I have to untag on Monday.
• The toughest activity of a week starts right from Monday morning....its called "Waking Up"
• Just reminding everyone that it's Monday, just in case any of you were feeling overly optimistic.
• If Monday had a face, I'd punch it.
• Today is Monday, and that's reason enough for me to hate it.

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35 WITTY HILARIOUS FRIDAY STATUSES

1. Welcome to Friday. In preparation for takeoff, please ensure all negative attitudes are properly stowed. On behalf of your captain, Jack Daniels and myself, welcome aboard. I expect sunshine and good attitudes today for our trip. Enjoy the ride.
2. Its finally Friday! Felt like it took a week to get here!!
3. Nothing ruins your Friday faster than realizing it's only Wednesday.
4. I'm never sure how much ball cleavage to show when I wear my Casual Friday Jean Shorts.
5. Friday, Yay the weekends here...*BLINK* Monday? WTF?
6. Thursday doesn't even count as a day, it's just the thing that's blocking friday.
7. Friday, is that you???????
8. Friday night... So many innocent beers have no idea what's coming for 'em.
9. Hey Friday! How ya been buddy?
10. If you're playing World of Warcraft on a Friday night & you put your ear up to your monitor, it sounds exactly like having no friends.
11. Remember: Being awake during a Saturday Morning sunrise is a sign of a good Friday Night.
12. Well, it's easy to tell I'm married. It's Friday night and I'm at home updating my facebook status...
13. The way I see it, EVERY Friday is Good Friday.
14. I hate it when the people who owe me money post about how much they are enjoying their Friday
15. Notice the same people that complain about being broke are the same people that are updating status saying they are out shopping on Friday.
16. Thursday, which is "Friday Eve" in Optimisian.
17. dear Friday, I'm ready..
18. It's Friday!!!!!! I just thought i'd tell ya'll that just incase you haven't seen all the other 1000 post about it.
19. Dear Radio Stations, please do not play Katy Perry's "Friday Night" Monday morning at 8 AM during my drive to work.
20. Ok great name for a band .".Half Price Drinks" how can you not pack them in on a Friday night with that name on the sign out front
21. instead of that daylight savings crap why dont we just move the clock ahead an hour every friday at noon so we get outta work early , then on sunday move the clock back an hour at like 3AM so we can sleep that extra hour .
22. Came home Friday with flowers for the missus. When I handed them to her she replied, "Great. Now I have to spend all weekend on my back with my legs in the air." Obviously confused I asked, "Why? Don't we have any vases?
23. i would like to thank you people for letting me know its friday every week its thoughts like this that keep me on facebook.
24. Its friday everybody! Maybe I should make a song about it.......u know, just to get the word out
25. The power of Friday compels you! The power of Friday compels you!
26. has 32 friends online right now on a Friday night....Your all a bunch of losers...I am proud to be one of you.......!
27. now taking reservations for midnight kisses on Friday night. Sign up below.
28. Mom always said "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours.." THANK YOU FRIDAY!!, I Love You, too!!!! I've always loved you. You and I are belong together! This is wonderful! We shall celebrate your return!!
29. To whom it may concern, The inventor of thirsty Thursday obviously never had to work on friday...
30. Don't wait untill friday, start your weekend on monday !!
31. Memo to my coworkers: It is Friday afternoon, and I have some serious web browsing and personal emailing to take care of, so please refrain from walking behind my cubicle. Thank you.
32. In addition to Casual Friday, I propose the following: Punch A Coworker Monday, No Pants Tuesday, Drunk At Work Wednesday, and Call In Sick Thursday.
33. Friday, I've tried to see other days and none compare to you, I love you.
34. loves the smell of Friday in the morning, it smells like... WEEKEND.
35. I've run out of pictures to colour in, in my colouring in book... I guess that is enough work for a Friday...

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CRAZY, EPIC MONDAY STATUSES

1. I hate it when I invite people and they actually show up.
2. My coffee is so black and strong it just punched me in the face and stole my wallet.
3. I really need a day in between Sunday and monday
4. Whenever I start feeling spontaneous, my bank account quietly reminds me to calm the heck down.
5. I CAN READ YOUR MIND! 1) you're reading this aren't you 2) You can't say B without closing your mouth 3) LOL you just tried 4) you're laughing at the fact i'm right ...7) you didn't realise i missed 5 an 6 8) you just looked back at 4 and 7 to check 9) You know you want to like this ;)

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